My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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