Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
