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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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