apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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