I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Randomize