If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
