He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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