need another drink. this is the easiest way
Ambien. No doubt about it.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize