Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
