Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
