Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
