we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
