Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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