wrigley field is MILF paradise
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Randomize
