Tell her she can't have a vagina
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Randomize
