Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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