Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
