you win again, gameday.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
