stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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