Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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