he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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