when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
