spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
