she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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