my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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