Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
