I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
