Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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