overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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