drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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