But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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