and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
