I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
How does one acquire holy water?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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