i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize