I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
