Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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