I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
