White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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