im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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