I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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