Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
