Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
so let's talk penis.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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