Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
