..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
