he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
