Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just want to make out with him forever
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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