DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
