I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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