im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
