Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
