I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
