We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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