I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
We just shotgunned beers for America
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
