Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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