stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
