i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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