I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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