Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
