If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
My balls are so social today.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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