even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
