New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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