fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he was CRYING into my vagina
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
