Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
