I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
