I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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