she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
