so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
