Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
