I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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