can we get nightvision for the apartment?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
