Just cropdusted the office
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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