I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
