Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
