would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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