He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
