yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
