my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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