PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
