I want to have your abortion
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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