i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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