I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
