We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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