Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
